Joke for a Dull Sunday

[RJ HEDLEY]

 
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her
faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the
poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers
that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly
in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some
bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on
the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is
about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one
delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!",
says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him
heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something
must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the
beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the
dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen
them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle
says: "Where's that dang monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"

Moral of this story..
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth
and skill!

B***s*** and brilliance only come with age and experience!

[theirishguard]

RJ< Then theres that story about the young bull and the old bull...... well maybe another day or forum.

[R9SCarry]

[size=13]Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth  
and skill![/size]

Love that RJ - love it to bits - but then I would, bein' an ol' phart!!

Well - we gotta survive too eh!?

[Richard S]

Thanks, RJ.  I loved it!  

[RJ HEDLEY]

Another one..........

Old one but still pretty good.



: How to hone the Quick-Draw


In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more
than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced
every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate
and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man
seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the
West in his day. The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer,
bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.

Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing you're
wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

Will that make me a better gunfighter?" aske! d the young man.

Sure will," said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot
the bow tie off the piano player.

That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"
Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun
in a blur, and shot a cuff link off the piano player.

Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learnin' somethin' here -- got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon.
"See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the
barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make ! me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old timer, "..but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano,
he's going to shove that gun up your azz, and it won't hurt as much".



__________________________________________________

[R9SCarry]

Yep - oldie gut goody RJ.  Gives whole new meaning to muzzle flip!

[Richard S]

RJ:

I laughed so hard that I think I pulled a stitch in my newly repaired shoulder.

"Old age and treachery vs. youth and exhuberance . . . . "

RS

[doubletapMike]

RJ,
   I loved the jokes! And I know I'm old, so I'm in the right place. I heard someplace that you should always know 3 clean jokes to tell in any circumstances. I'm covered now.  
   Now if I could just remember them....!

Mike