I don't think there has been a joke here !

[R9SCarry]

This has been around so - apolagies if you've seen it already .

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One day out in the Texas panhandle, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:  Talking Dog for Sale."


He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.


"You talk?" he asks.


"Yep," the Lab replies.


"So, what's your story?"


The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.  I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.


"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any  younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.


Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


"Ten dollars."


The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"


"He's a liar. He didn't do any of that crap!!."

[R9SCarry]

Thought you might enjoy this one I heard today .

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A Night Out With the Girls



The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight.

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3a.m. (a bit loaded) I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started
up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape
a possible conflict with him.......

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in and I told him "midnight." He didn't seem mad at all.

Whew!! Got away with that one!      Aren't I clever?........

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh crap," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

 

[R9SCarry]

Courtesy of my son today!

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Things they regret saying at the Olympics


Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:


1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it! .  In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my God, what have I just said?"