I don't think there has been a joke here !

[Richard S]

OK . . . .

One of the Popes shuffled off the mortal coil and presented himself to Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.  Saint Peter welcomed him into Heaven and pointed to a small but lovely cottage halfway up a nearby mountain.  "That is where you will be spending eternity, Your Holiness,"  Saint Peter entoned.

The Pope looked up at the cottage and found it to be pleasing, but then noticed a magnificent mansion at the top of the mountain commanding a view of the entire Heavenly Kingdon.  "And who resides in that magnificent mansion?", the Pope inquired.

"A lawyer resides there, Your Holiness," Saint Peter responded.

Outraged, the Pope turned to Saint Peter and exclaimed, "Do you mean to tell me that I, the Bishop of Rome and your successor to the Holy See am required to live in that small cottage while some lawyer is allowed to spend eternity in that magnificent mansion?"

Placing a comforting arm on the Pope's shoulder, Saint Peter replied, "I feel your pain, Your Holiness.  However, you need to understand that, while we get almost every Pope up here, that is the first and only lawyer ever to be granted admission."

_____

I'm out of here.

RS

[gunner930]

 You guys absolutely have me "rolling"! The Kerry fan and the Bad Day really made me lose my breath!    My 78yo father who is a die-hard republican will love the Kerry fan joke....

[shooterjb]

Hi Richard,

I have stayed out of this so far, but it is beyond sad that after all of these lawyer jokes, you can only come up with one positive statement of facts concerning lawyers. LOL

Frank

[Richard S]

Frank:

It's truly a sad situation.


And then there is this one . . .

Four men were lifelong friends -- one a banker, one a doctor, one an accountant, and one a lawyer.  The banker fell terminally ill and on his deathbed told his three friends that, at his funeral, he wanted each of them to place one hundred dollars in his casket so he would have some pocket money in the Great Beyond.  They all agreed.

At the funeral, just before the casket was closed, the doctor walked up to the bier and reverently laid a one-hundred Dollar bill on the chest of the dearly departed.  The accountant followed, doing the same.  At which point, the lawyer approached the bier, picked up the two bills, replaced them with his personal check in the amount of $300, and gently closed and locket the casket.

RS

[shooterjb]

Gee Richard,

I don't think that George or Bill would ever do that. What's up? LOL

Frank

[shooterjb]

Hi Richard,

Seriously, all I know is that knowing them as I do, I would be happy to pay George, Bill, or for that matter you, for your representation if the State Attorney General's Office did not already represent me for free in my times of need.

Best Regards,

Frank

[Richard S]

Frank:

Thank you.  In the unlikely event it were ever needed, we would all three probably want to represent you for free.  After all, it would undoubtedly be a false charge.  And, of course, we would want to have Massad Ayoob as an expert witness.

(I see that I had a typographical error in that last joke.  I do know how to spell the word, "locked.")

RS

[GeorgeH]

Hi Frank:

I have no doubt that Richard, Bill, and I are all fine shysters, oops, lawyers, and we would be proud to represent you.

[RJ HEDLEY]

 
 Why Rednecks Are Not Paramedics
 
 A couple of rednecks are out in the woods
 
 hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his
 
 chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't
 
 seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled
 
 back in his head.

 
 
 The other guy whips out his cell phone and
 
 calls 911.
 
 
 
 He gasps to the operator,
 
 "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"
 
 The operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
 
 "Just take it easy and follow my instructions.
 
 First, let's make sure he's dead."

 
 
 There is a silence .. and then a shot is heard.
 
 
 
 The guy's voice comes back on the line,
 
 "Okay, now what?"
 
 
 
 

[Richard S]

Lord, RJ, I'm glad to see a non-lawyer joke.

Stay safe.  That  hurricane is coming straight at you.  I know that you have weathered many others -- but stay safe.


RS

[RJ HEDLEY]

 : A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON


A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15
YEARS.  HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS
AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.    HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED
AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF
HER, KISSES HER NECK,THEN GETS UP AND GOES
INTO THE BATHROOM.  WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE:
 "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT LOOK AT HIS
CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T
SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS.
 I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.  IF HE WANTS SEX,
 DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN,
 DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.  SATISFY HIM NO MATTER
 HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU.
THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS.  
IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US.  BE STRONG, HONEY.  
I LOVE YOU"

TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK.  HE WAS WHISPERING IN
MY EAR.  HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF
WE! HAD ANY VASELINE.  I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN
THE BATHROOM.  
BE STRONG HONEY.  I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

[gunner930]

 I absolutely cannot breath!  
Thank You RJ....

[shelb]

That's one of the funniest ones I've seen in awhile  

[R9SCarry]

RJ .. that one is knockout!!  

[Richard S]

RJ:

Great joke!  Reminds me to stay alert.  I once prosecuted a creep like that.  He may be about to flatten his time -- assuming he has exhibited "good behavior."  (Not likely, I'm thinking.)  

RS