One of my retired "Company" friends just sent me this notice which was supposedly posted recently on "Craig's List." I've never even logged in to "Craig's List" and in any event have no idea as to the
bona fides of the notice. However, even it's a work of fiction it provided a good laugh on a rainy Sunday morning here in East Tennessee:
[size=10]Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown * * * Night Before Last.
I was the guy with the black leather jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had bought me that 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Mom" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by The Mission, along with all of the cash in your wallet.
After wiping them all down, I threw the wallet and phone in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the side window out and keyed the driver's side. If you see that car around town, you can ask the driver about getting them back. But before that I had called a whole bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. After a number of calls, Ma Bell suddenly deactivated the line, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
I'd also like to apologize for making you walk back home humiliated, but that was probably better than being shot. Anyway, I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!
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[size=10]Edit: Typos.[/size]
