Author Topic: Sometimes you feel like a nut!  (Read 327 times)

Offline cargaritaville

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Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« on: March 05, 2019, 10:01:51 AM »
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Having a gun in your hand is much more effective than having the entire police department on the phone!

Offline backupr9

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Re: Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2019, 10:22:05 AM »
The ancient practice of faith healing!  ;)  ;D
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither." 
Thomas Jefferson

Endur Fortis

Offline tracker

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Re: Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2019, 11:01:47 AM »
"If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow"
Theodore Roosevelt

Offline johnny

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Re: Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2019, 07:52:19 PM »
  Well needed bit of humor for us up here in northern Wisconsin buried in bitter cold and 10 foot high snow banks all over the place. ;D ;D

Offline MikeInTexas

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Re: Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2019, 01:06:20 PM »
  Well needed bit of humor for us up here in northern Wisconsin buried in bitter cold and 10 foot high snow banks all over the place. ;D ;D

Herself is currently working in the middle of nowhere Minnesota.  That Texas girl is not having a good couple of weeks dealing with that weather, hear a lot about it most evenings, LOL.  She doesn't like hearing about how I am in a T-Shirt sitting on the deck having a adult beverage :)

Offline tracker

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Re: Sometimes you feel like a nut!
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2019, 01:24:12 PM »
Fifteen degrees in Mankato today would not make me a happy camper either but that is mild compared to upstate.