Author Topic: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!  (Read 248 times)

Offline backupr9

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WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« on: September 23, 2020, 06:55:11 PM »
The Old Fighter Pilot.

The Old Fighter Pilot
A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 driver, flying MIG CAP back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at O-Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.

The seedy pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey fly boy, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"


 
 

   
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither." 
Thomas Jefferson

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Offline MikeInTexas

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2020, 07:16:01 PM »
LOL,


backrup9 have you ever heard any of the songs by an couple of F-16 pilots known as Dos Gringos?  If no, here are few of my favorites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bqx2wIQtKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpAUSjvZ2-U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM3vLer6YFg
« Last Edit: September 28, 2020, 05:30:55 PM by MikeInTexas »

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2020, 09:16:15 PM »
A song from old fighter pilots:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rzzi8n1UNg
« Last Edit: September 24, 2020, 12:14:28 PM by tracker »

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2020, 09:27:34 PM »
DFW Approach Control to an American 767 on final:

"American, maintain max speed to the marker." The female captain replied: "I can't go balls to the wall but I can do wide open." An anonymous voice chimed in: "Is American hiring?"
« Last Edit: September 24, 2020, 06:11:56 PM by tracker »

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2020, 09:49:02 PM »
Another favorite: "Itazuke Tower" This dialogue is between a P-51 Mustang with a Rolls-Royce 12 cylinder 1600 hp Merlin water cooled engine and Itazuke Tower in Japan, no doubt during Korea. Once the water is gone from the engine the P-51 is a gilder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUhq1Dgk4nM&list=RD6rzzi8n1UNg&index=2
« Last Edit: September 26, 2020, 09:24:07 PM by tracker »

Offline backupr9

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2020, 02:46:51 PM »
Mike, loved ‘em all!  Tracker, might have known you’d be there.  The American pilot joke and Itazuki Tower both cracked me up!
Backup
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither." 
Thomas Jefferson

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2020, 04:44:37 PM »
That part about the biscuit gun reminded me of a conversation I heard during a carrier qual session. A fledgling young aspiring Naval Aviator had missed landing on the ship after 4 attempts. The LSO said, "Son, you have to land because this is where the food is."  I don't recall whether he made it or not.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2020, 11:11:25 PM by tracker »

Offline backupr9

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2020, 10:37:02 AM »
I sure hope the kid made it.  Even being willing to attempt a carrier landing in good weather takes more guts than a standard issue for most people.
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither." 
Thomas Jefferson

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2020, 11:16:44 AM »
I agree with that--much less a pitching deck on a dark night. The night CAT shot can be a thriller also.

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2020, 11:16:55 PM »
Another one of my favorite pilot to tower radio exchanges; I was flying a 727 into Sarasota and was on a downwind leg following a Cessna 172 on final approach. He requested landing clearance from the tower. Tower responded, "Roger, state your intentions." He was asking in aviation talk if he wanted a touch and go or a full stop. The 172 pilot simply said, "I intend to have dinner with my brother in law tonight."
Tower: "Roger, cleared to land." You can't make this stuff up.

Offline MikeInTexas

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2020, 10:00:55 AM »

Offline MikeInTexas

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2020, 05:45:07 PM »
,,,

Offline backupr9

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Re: WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH!
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2020, 08:55:30 PM »
Teacher, I love t hat segment....the best put down ever.
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither." 
Thomas Jefferson

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